I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
