I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
