why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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