I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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