how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
