i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
