wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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