At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
