Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
