So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
