Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
