just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
