She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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