I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
