Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
