the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
