I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
