So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You're a waste of cheezeits
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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