Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
