i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
