Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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