there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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