I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
