i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So vagazzling was a success
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
