a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
