I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
