Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
