MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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