dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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