We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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