Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
