I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
high people should be assigned attendants
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
