Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
