fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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