1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
