I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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