It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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