Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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