Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found your dick twin last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
