dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
