her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
