I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
