Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
