All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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