They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
