I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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