hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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