they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
