oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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