You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
