I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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