I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
