she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i came on her dog
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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