Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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