nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
